well i guess i'm just a romantic
There is something in me that cannot help but dream of the Grand Gesture.

The Grand Gesture need not be one fueled by money - only a little courage, and thought. In fact it can be so small -  a note left in your jacket pocket that you discover days later. It remains Grand because, the feeling that washes over me once that note is read cannot be described in any other way. No money involved, very little physical energy. Just a little thought, a little time, a little courage.

I know I have fallen for someone when I not only begin to perform these gestures for them, but once I begin to dream of their possible Grand Gestures for me.

And even once it's over, a whisper in the smallest corner of my heart stops me - Wait, it says.

This is the worst part of my weakness for the Grand Gesture. For from that time on, I may say and do many things. But that smallest corner waits for him on my doorstep at midnight, and wonders if he might be walking behind me. It dreams that now - now may be the moment.

In my experience, it never is.

And it's not ever really over, until I've stopped waiting, hoping, dreaming of the Grand Gesture. Of him showing up - anywhere I may be - and saying, I'm sorry and, I love you. Something so simple and so deadly when you cannot have it.

And after a long silence of looking at one another, I would respond I hate you, and he would say I know, and then take both my hands and kiss them, before kissing me.

And I would forgive everything.